These answers made me wonder just how many American women are having children based on society's expectations of a woman's role? How many women feel that having children is inevitable in a marriage? I also wondered why it surprised me that she would give her husband primary custody. After all, isn't he just as much a parent as she? And is having another child for the sake of the first one a good reason to have a second child for yourself? As a mother, the one thing that did not surprise me in her responses, was that she was considering her family's wants and needs first. Perhaps she has more internal reasons for wanting children, but her first instinct is to consider those who she obviously loves so much.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Blog #6 - To Be Or Not To Be...A Mother
I spoke with a good friend of mine who is actually trying to conceive her second child. When I first found this out it surprised me a little, because she has always said that if anything were to happen that would end her marriage, she would allow her spouse to retain primary custody of their daughter. She is also, like most of us, struggling to find balance between family, career and quality of life. When I asked her why she had decided to have her first child, she responded that she always expected to have children. Her husband loves children and she felt it was inevitable. As far as her decision to have a second child, she simply feels that it would be cruel to make her daughter an only child. She would like for her to experience the same bond she and her sibling share and when she and her husband are gone, she doesn't want to leave her alone in this world.
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I often find myself putting my family before my wants and needs. I think it is almost an innate characteristic among women. We are typically the caregivers and nurtures. However, I am a strong believer that we must take care of ourselves first in order to give the utmost care to our loved ones. If we are not healthy then we can not provide a healthy environment. Sounds like your friend was trying to live up to certain expectations of being a woman but primarily considering the health of her family first. Good example!
ReplyDeleteI went through several different emotions when reading your post. The first was that your friend was a bad mother for letting him have custody. But then I realized you are right, that is a knee jerk reaction that we have been programmed by society to have. I appreciated how you looked beyond societys norms to see that your friend did indeed have that one major characteristic that makes us good mothers, we put our childrens needs before our own. I also saw a balance in her thinking as I thought about her willingness to give custody to her husband, in that she knew that it would be best for her child as well as herself. I am very proud of your friend for her honesty and openess.
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