Blog #4 - The Talk

I never really received "the talk" when I was growing up. My mother and I were not very close and I don't remember her ever approaching me about it.  If I had a thirteen year old girl, I would start with the basics. I would talk about the different ideas that seem to be common among boys and girls. I would tell her stories of girls I knew and the lessons I learned talking with them. I would tell her about my friend who slept with the high school coach that all the girls thought was so hansom and how her life seemed to spiral down so quickly. The last I heard, she dropped out, started  drinking heavily, and was stripping to make rent. I would tell her about the teacher that later dropped hints my way, and because of my friend, I knew to avoid any and all private contact. I would tell her about my friend who got pregnant on purpose hoping to get the father, who was all of twenty years old, to marry her. He did not and her life was forever altered and her options were forever limited. And then there was my friend who was so "in love" with a rebellious boy at school. She put the statement out that if he were to come to her house after school and before her mother got off of work, he could have her virginity. He heard and he did. The next day, he told everyone she was awful, that it was like "doing a dead fish". Everyone talked about what a "nasty whore" she was, until a year later when everyone was talking about how his father was physically abusive and his mother abandoned them when he was small. 

The next thing I would do, is to make her an appointment with a trusted female gynecologist and let her know that anytime she was not comfortable talking to me, she could call her doctor. I would explain that with puberty comes a new responsibility to take care of your own body. That sexually transmitted diseases are out there and how they affect one's health. I would pull the epidemiological reports for my county to show her how prevalent these diseases were and explain how quickly they can spread. I would also tell her that people are not always truthful when discussing their sexual history.  And although it is certainly not their fault, I would explain the rate of sexual abuse of children and the diseases they are exposed to, and because it often goes on unknown, the victims may be unaware of any risk they would expose others to. And I would do my best to explain how becoming sexually active alters one's state of emotions and self image, whether good or bad. 

The last thing I would explain, would be the physical side of it. How birth control in any form other than a condom, is just back up until you are in a committed relationship with someone you trust. I would walk her into a store, purchase a pack of condoms, and leave explaining to her that until she is mature enough to do that on her own, she has no business being sexually active. Contraceptive should never be left up to the guy. If a boy walks around with a condom in his wallet, it may be damaged by the time he uses it. Also, there may be a boy who thinks more of her than she does of him. It is not unheard of for a boy to deliberately damage a condom in hopes of getting a girl pregnant. If you leave the responsibility up to the other person, that person is responsible for your life! And, even using a condom does not offer a 100% guarantee against pregnancy and disease, choosing your partners wisely is a must.

Last, I would explain that waiting for the right person and the right time in your life is ideal, but if she is mistaken, and that person turns out not to be "the one", having the self respect to protect her own body will allow her to continue her life and to eventually find him.

Kally Smith

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